Online Dating
Meeting someone new online or even just chatting or flirting is now
a very popular and accepted way to make new friends. All the same its
wise to be carefull until you get to know the person. Here, life coach
Susan Dunn offers some useful advice
"Internet Dating for the Midlife
Woman." by Susan Dunn, MA, Personal Life & EQ Coach
More Internet dating and matchmaking
sites are coming online all the time. It's no wonder they're so popular.
We're all looking and it pays to extend your reach. Midlife dating is
definitely a "numbers game" and here's why.
The only way to do this is to get in there and start doing it. If you
have been married a long time, you'll find men at this age (whatever
age you're at now) are different. Dating on the Internet can
help you get back into circulation. Some even often online "speed"
dating, where you can make contact with several men on the
same evening. If you're serious about finding a new guy, no doubt you're
getting out in your own community, have joined singles, activities and
religious groups, are taking dancing lesson, pursuing your usual hobbies
and interests, and letting others know you're ready to date again.
The Internet is "what else" you can do. The Internet offers two opportunities
you may not have thought of. First of all, there are plenty of pornography
and sex sites on the Internet and the guys know where they are. Therefore,
many of the men on dating sites are truly interested in dating, long-term
commitment, friendship, and marriage. Secondly, certain aspects of Internet
dating favor the non-aggressive man with honest intent. Using an
Internet dating site takes time. If he's desperate and needy
(emotionally or sexually), he won't take the time to fill out an Internet
form and start emailing, but will head for the local dive where he knows
he can find what he's after immediately. It also gives the less-assertive
man a slow way to get to know a woman. He may be an introvert, or simply
new to dating and unsure of himself, and can get himself better grounded
on the Internet. You may catch him just at the right time. How to begin?
Take a look at some of the different sites and get a feel for them.
Particularly pay attention to how the profiles are set up. Here are
some things you'll want to make sure of:
1. The profile tells you the kind of things about someone you need to
know
2. Your anonymity is protected
3. A photo is available
4. There is way to block or permanently end contact with someone
5. They attempt to screen undesirables. No guarantee but at least, for
instance, they say they forbid married people, felons, pornography,
hate, etc. Bear in mind there are no guarantees on the Internet you
won't meet a louse, pervert, felon, liar, or promiscuous married man.
There are no guarantees about this in real life, either. There are some
obvious clues to watch for: refusing to share a photo, using foul language,
asking for money, being domineering, moving too fast, preoccupation
with sex, inappropriate site names such as "SexTrain," signs of desperation,
or being inconsistent or evasive about details. The best rule of thumb
is if it makes you feel uneasy, use the "delete" key. You begin with
email correspondence, so take your time. You'll get quicker about catching
on to bad signs as you practice. Always remember to protect yourself.
Don't give your personal email address or home phone number until you're
reasonably sure. Never agree to meet someone in a remote or peculiar
location. If in doubt, don't. If it's good, it will stand the test of
time. The best way to begin is to make a list about your expectations
- not just their age and appearance, but their conduct. Then work with
a coach to brush up on your skills and provide valuable feedback. When
you set up your profile, be honest about your personal habits, lifestyle,
and what you're looking for in a man. When you learn something that
works, stick with it. For instance if you read someone's profile that's
worded better than yours, go back in and tweak yours. Men's first attraction
is visual (physical), so get a good recent photograph of yourself. Some
people are more photogenic than others, but it's unfair to use a photograph
that's 5 years old, or that represents you before gaining or losing
30 pounds. Be proud of who you are, represent it as best you can, and
hope the man does the same. For more tips, including how to identify
a married man early-on, see my ebook, "Midlife Dating Survival for Women."
Good luck!
©Susan Dunn, MA, Personal Life & EQ Coach,
http://www.susandunn.cc
